If you’ve decided to write your own wedding vows, first of all, good for you. It’s one of the most personal parts of your wedding day. But I get it. It can feel weird or intimidating to sit down and actually write them. You’re probably wondering how long they should be, what you’re supposed to say, or if you’re doing it right.


As a wedding photographer, I’ve heard a lot of vows over the years. Some were sweet and quiet. Some were hilarious. Some were tearful. What they all had in common is that they felt real. So here are a few honest, no-pressure tips to help you write wedding vows that feel like you.



1. You Don’t Need to Sound Poetic or Formal

Don’t worry about writing something beautiful. You’re not submitting these to be published. You don’t need fancy language unless that’s how you naturally speak. Talk like you normally do. Your wedding vows should sound like you talking to your partner, not like a speech. If you’d never say something like “I vow to be your rock,” don’t write it. If you would say “I’ll always bring you Taco Bell when you’re having a rough day,” then that’s exactly what belongs in your vows.



2. Start With Brainstorming

Before you try writing full sentences, just get everything in your head down on paper. Write whatever comes to mind when you think about your partner and your relationship.


  • Some helpful questions to ask yourself:
  • How did you meet?
  • What do you love most about them?
  • What moments stick with you?
  • What does your relationship look like day to day?
  • What do you hope for in your future together?



3. Say What You Promise

The heart of wedding vows is the promise. That’s what the moment is really about. Don’t try to write something impressive. Just be clear about what kind of partner you want to be.


You can include things like:

  • I promise to always back you up
  • I promise to keep listening, even when it’s hard
  • I promise to choose you, every day, even when life feels overwhelming


Or something small and specific:

  • I promise to make you coffee when I wake up first
  • I promise to never judge your Netflix choices
  • You don’t need big sweeping declarations. The personal details matter more.



4. Keep It Short and Focused

Try to keep your vows around one to two minutes when spoken out loud. Long vows start to lose people’s attention and can feel rambly. If you’re nervous, shorter is better anyway. You’ll feel more in control, and it won’t drag on.

If you're each writing your vows separately, it helps to agree on a general length ahead of time so one doesn’t end up way longer than the other.



5. Read Them Out Loud Ahead of Time

Once you write them, read them out loud. Seriously. You’ll catch anything that sounds awkward or doesn’t flow. You’ll also be able to tell if it actually sounds like you.

You don’t need to memorize them. Just be familiar enough with the words so you can say them without feeling stiff or unsure.



6. Have a Backup Copy Ready

Print them or write them in a vow book. Give a copy to your maid of honor, best man, or your officiant. Do not rely on your phone or memory. I’ve seen people misplace vows minutes before the ceremony.

A clean, printed copy keeps the moment calm and smooth.



7. Be Yourself

This is your moment, not anyone else’s. If you’re funny, let it be funny. If you’re quiet, keep it simple. Don’t force yourself into a voice that doesn’t feel natural. Speak honestly, and it will come through. The best wedding vows sound like the person who wrote them. That’s all you need.